The Way

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Ah i should be asleep but what the heck im up so i might as well post. Anyway, ive just done some reflecting ,well not just, a few days ago actually, and i realised that i might be burning out WAAAY ahead of schedule. nnononono thats bad. But the signs are there. Ive been feeling totally unmotivated for work for the past two weeks. In fact, ive done zero work, apart from last minute cramming for both SPAs (and by that i mean reading the notes ten minutes before the test o.o) and attempting to read up for physics lecture. But its like, i cant bring myself to read the notes.

I get physically tired very fast when i attempt to study, and when i do get around to do it, i would totally not be able to read on. like either my mind will keep rereading the same sentence over and over again, or somehow i cant get my mind to mentally read the next few words.

In an attempt to remedy this, i sometimes just turn on the computer to play, but even that gets boring very quick and i end up jsut staring into the computer screen most of the time. its just so hard to study and i dont know why, or at least i THINK i might know why. I have not been studying for four years prior to jc and the sudden studying at a fast rate might have taken a toll on me. and i hate that. damn, i feel like crying sometimes when i read my notes, these two weeks. and for no reason. Its kindof amazing that it took me two weeks to notice this. I would have thought that i wuold sense this faster. see? even my mind isnt working properly.

MAYBE i did not burn out (whew) but something is just troubling me and i dont know what it is.
ah crap that sounds like very indulgent, selfish ranting.

___________________________________________________________

Time Clicks as I await

The hour ends before my take

Sitting, thinking, waiting; my mind escapes

The day grows old as night passes

Wolves crying, coyotes howling; anticipating

Watching, staring, seeing -- nothing

Silence begins the day

as morning comes without notice

Tears begin to fall, slowly

The day moves on without hope

Wishing to be what is not to be

The sun moves to its peak

without a whisper or retreat

Time moving, but still empty

Stomach aching, curling

Still waiting

-Gary R. Hess

Husaini @ 9:58 AM

about

Ahmad Husaini
02/05/1992
Raffles Rugby 05-08, Pwnage09, 10S06F
I like sports, though nothing in particular

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