The Way

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

There really is alot i have to learn. about everything.

My last visit to the counsellor helped me learn a little bit more about myself, though i think i would rather not have learnt it. after 4 weeks of seeing me, evaluating my actions and what not, she concluded the final meeting by saying that i am a loner and that i need to seek more help. for my own good. that kindof hit me by surprise, but the more i think about it, the more it seems true yknow?

I realised that there is a difference between actually having friends and knowing people. Very different. yesterday and today, i sat in the canteen and looked around. true i know many people. heck i think i know almost everyone at least by name. but the fact that i was close to none of them really hit me. its like "omg husaini how long have you been living in that illusion that everyones youre friend?" at the end of the day, i think there are only a few people i can really call friends and that mere fact contribute to me being a loner.

I also prefer to sit by my lonesome. apparently. but what most people dont realise is that im actually waiting for someone to come sit with me so at least id have someone near me. this shows how uninitiated i am and also how i end up being alone most of the time. though im really lucky to have the same few friends who always stick with me, they cant always be there.

And one last thing which was kindof new to me which the counsellor pointed out was that i have trust issues. i told this to rashidi and he was like "yeah what, you do have trust issues." and i dont know how many other people have noticed that. except myself. maybe i do. but i dont know what i have to hide or why i have to hide things. maybe my subconcious mind knows precisely that and makes me have trust issues to hide stuff. but what? i have no idea.

This will probably sound a little more trivial than the stuff before, but i really cant make eye contact and talk to someone at the same time. ive known this for quite awhile. since sec 2 actually, but i cant fix it. i dont know the cause. i dont know why i havent changed. i dont know alot of things.

Haiz this week kindof sucked, somehow. I just got to let it all out, some of the stuff thats bugging me.

And screw chem. another U and i swear i will tear the paper into four pieces.

Husaini @ 6:36 AM

about

Ahmad Husaini
02/05/1992
Raffles Rugby 05-08, Pwnage09, 10S06F
I like sports, though nothing in particular

Tagboard