The Way

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Being cornered by a towering figure. Trapped in a room with no apparent escape. Somehow predicting that the worse will happen even with almost the best efforts to prepare to avoid it. Stuck in an endless cirsle or educational poverty. Not in the monetary sense at least. This all evokes a certain sense of fear. And fear is something not to be messed with, for it could lead to shitty things. It makes one delusional. It makes one forget. It makes one blank.

And when one is blank, a whole load of crap happens. Picture this, someone doesnt get angry often. If he normally does, he gets over it very quickly. Apparently. Now when one is blank, all those years of cooped up nonsense takes over (of course, the actions of the subconcious mind of an immature person).

When that happens, everything SEEMS so clear, yet at the same time, you know its very hazy and all you see is what your mind wants you to see. That nothing is wrong. That everything is fine. One even loses control of one's voluntary actions, making them involuntary yet at the same time, you want it to happen. It's one of those things where you know you shouldnt do it, yet you find yourself involuntarily doing it because you seem to have lost control over your actions, and then yoe feel that you actually WANT to do it after all.

The head feels hot. You can actually feel your ears getting hot. Your mind is being bombarded with all that nonsense you'd rather do without, seeing as there is already alot on your plate. Yet everything seems fine, in a surreal way. The bombardment doesnt stop. In fact, it gets worse and yet you still feel fine. Apparently. More rubbish unloaded at you and suddenly you dont feel fine anymore. In fact, you dont feel at all. Its all just a blank. This is when the mind, the subcouncious, immature and irrational mind, takes over. You pick up something, and it feels lighter than you imagine. You know you want to feel it in your hands, yet you find yourself just swinging your arms downwards with such a force that even you are surprised by it. The thing breaks. That's it, you hope.

The relentless noise continues and with such ease and swift, yet another object is taken and thrown, much to your surprise. You still feel nothing. You decide to just walk away and hope nothing happens. You know those movies where the hero walks through a war area and bullets bounce of him? This felt just like that, only,its normal everyday things, like a pail filled with water and such. You even brush aside some people as if they werent there at all. Everything seems so light. So surreal. You just commited a fcking huge sin and you feel fine. Actually, you dont feel anything.

You sit quietly and suddenly it hits you. Your mind which was momentarily paralyzed snapped back to life, only to find a pile of shit to deal with. You get confused. You dont know what happened, yet, you actually do know what happened. You feel regretful so much so that you start to cry, yet you feel great for doing all that.

Imagine doing all that. Just imagine. Damn, i have anger management issues.

Husaini @ 2:16 AM

about

Ahmad Husaini
02/05/1992
Raffles Rugby 05-08, Pwnage09, 10S06F
I like sports, though nothing in particular

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