The Way

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Wow. last week was such a wow week. So many things happened and i dont know where to start. so i think ill just start from monday.

Monday was just another ordinary monday. Everything reeked normalness. Blehh.

Tuesday was SLIGHTLY more eventful. I went to school then went home at 11 because i was sick. Which was stupid because i got the cold from sleeping on the coldcold floor the whole night for several nights. but i really love sleeping on the floor so i think ill do it again XD

Wednesday was retarded. I finished early and....actually i forgot what i did. all i remember was that it was retarded. OR if i remember correctly, i re-learnt how to play four chords on the guitar, then instantly forgot them. I therefore conclude that i was not made to play music.

Thursday was a killer. I had civics then PE (where our teacher made us do what he called "super leg exercise". Really took my legs off, that one). I naughtily pointed the finger towards the J1s who were watching us do PE teehee ^^ why am i so naughty? after that, i watched the orientation for awhile and i must say, i think their orientation is more interesting than ours o.o buuuut its okay i guess. gives the J1s a nice way to remember their J1 days when they become J2s.

THEN AFTER THAT BREAK I HAD NO BREAK TILL 5.30 PM O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O

i had double chem (which is never nice), physics lecture, H1 econs tutorial which was exceptionally boring, physics tutorial (which was a waste of time as usual), H1 econs lecture test which i forgot to study for :O :O :O and finally chem remedial which would have been more useful if the teacher's voice didnt irritate me. but it was still a useful remedial so nyeh xD

Friday was quite a disappointment for me. I really planned on studying after solat with mudd, and i thought mudd wanted to join me for studies as both of us didnt get promoted to J2 normally, but thennnnn we somehow ended up in the hodge lodge again and then the rest of it JUST HAPPENED. we played A SHILOAD OF GAMES ( i never knew i could last 3 hours or more playing games and doing nothing more ). I eventualyl even got tired just because of playing. BAHHH. ohwell, i guess the fun made up for the shit week i had. and i thought my week couldnt get worse.

it did.

i lost my temper again yesterday. dammit i might need help.i dont know why my emotions macam ter-magnified sangat these days. if i get happy i really lose it getting happy. if i get bored i really jsut stone and waste time. if i get mad i really lose it and get mad. i just bought a new GC (which cut my allowance to five dollars a week cos i couldnt afford another GC after getting my phone O.O) and then i told myself i wouldnt lose it cos i cant afford to (seeing as my old GC finally broke down after some harsh treatment). i had another argument (getting more frequent, gotto stop it husaini, you need to realise that being in spite is bad, let alone being in spite of your mother). actually this time, it wasnt even an argument. my mum was jsut seriously dishing outthe nag and somehow, everything she said touched a nerve, effectively crumpling all my nerves together then BOOM ithrew the computer chair. against the wall. and broke off the switch box thingy. and left huge terrible scratches on the wall, which i had to clean up.

and today, i was unable to focus at all. like my head still got dengung. though i managed to do some work at least. i really hope next week will be better. it had better be.

THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH ME AND I STILL CANT FIGURE IT OUT AND IT REALLY, REALLY REALLY BUGS ME LIKE MAD. LIKE AND ITCH YOU CANT FIND/REACH.

haiz.

Husaini @ 3:12 AM

Friday, January 22, 2010

WHEEEE i just realised that my "fly" muscle is practically non-existent. which feels weird if you look at it that way, because it hurts (after doing pullups) yet when i press it (i like to press parts of my body which hurts heh macam makes me feel satisfied. dont know why) i feel only my ribcage. which means at this rate ill never get that nice looking V-shaped body BUT OHWELL WHO CARES. heh xD

Life could be more interesting. IT SHOULD. oh MUHD FINALLY CAME TODAY! its probably the first time ive seen him in about 3 months o.o way too long, seeing as he is my good friend. I HOPE HE COMES MORE. but thats just evil. somedays ill drag halim (and maybe rashidi, that lazyass) along to SRJC for a change.

THANK GOODNESS ITS THE WEEKEND. school just seemed horrible this week.

Husaini @ 5:41 AM

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Im sleepy. I have been feeling sleepy lately. But i dont want to sleeeeeeeep, theres so much work to do o.o

We never really get what we seek, and we always miss out on what was right in front of us. Thats life. Thats why it sucks. Only a lucky few ever get to live their lives the way they plan. heh i guess that malay peribahasa, the one where you aim for the moose, you shoot the raindeer then when u look at it closely, its actually a dog, is quite apt (im not even sure if the peribahas goes that way but ohwell).

Today was kindof fun. i realised (to my relief) that i am not THE MAJOR FACTOR why people cant study in school. Sure i happen to be there everytime that happens but it turned out that it was all just sheer coincidence. BETUL TAU TAK BEDEK xD Just now i couldnt do math properly because maskil was there. and theday before the whole table of us cant do work cos ram verma was there. other days, it would be other people. i really aim quite quiet when i study so i dont disturb people ^^

i think. (halo above my head still there)

i think there is somethign wrong with me now o.o
i am liking dance-y songs more (remedy and piece of heaven for eg) when i didnt use to like them.
i am gaining weight even though im eating considerably less.
i feel insecure all the time (about almost everything).
i am way too quiet.

DAMN IT GAAAAHHHH.
focus husaini focus.

:) x) xD :D =)
SMILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Husaini @ 5:43 AM

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Well the first week of school went so much better than i had previously expected. I am not ponning lectures (which is an excellent start), i am completing at least half of a tutorial before its due tutorial period (which is awesome) and i actually have time to do other things, above all the nonsense (which is the best thing so far).

Yknow, school started very well for me. Mondays, all i have is to come to school for Chem lecture, PE, and a Physics lecture, above protected time xD Thats probably the best way to start a week i have ever had in my life.

Things sure feel weird this year without saiful in my class. Sure he was a large factor in my misbehaviour last year, but he always makes it so much fun. He puts the FUN in anything, i tell you. That boy has a gift. Then this year everything seems so bleak (above all the keeping up with work that i have been doing). I guess it just takes getting used to? After all, i did have him in my class for three years (arguably the most fun yet underacheiving years for me).

Suprises are aplenty. Oooh yes. Many many surprises. Some more pleasant than others. Some leave me with my jaw dropping, not knowing how to react, or whether to react at all. For one, the solat room isnt full of sleeping malay boys anymore, which has to be a good sign, seeing that we finally decided to pick ourselves up this year. The J1s this year kindof makes me feel weird.

Last year, when i was a J1, i looked at the J2s and went (in my head) "wow theyre so cool. we'll never be like them and we'll always be immature pieces of shit." Now, i look at the J1s and go "wow theyre so immature. we cant have been that immature." Its interesting how this perspective changes, because its not as if we suddenly GREW mentally within one month or so. To me, we are just the same ol' us, and yet, I look at the J1s and feel that THEY are the ol' us, and we are not us at all. So in a way, we are the same, yet different. Do i make sense?

On another note, zaff came back. i dont know how to react. maybe i wont.

things change. in more ways than i ever imagined.

Husaini @ 1:27 AM

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Oh no. School is reopening O.o
GP homework progress: 0.5/26
Actually thats the only thing thats making me worried.
Im starting to feel sick, and as much as i wished i really was sick, i know that its just a state of mind.

OHNOOHNOOHNO!

okay nevermind. BREATHE.
inhale.exhale.inhale.exhale.

much bettah.

ohwell, guess that means im dead. and school barely started yet.
goodbye cruel world.

Husaini @ 4:17 AM

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Being cornered by a towering figure. Trapped in a room with no apparent escape. Somehow predicting that the worse will happen even with almost the best efforts to prepare to avoid it. Stuck in an endless cirsle or educational poverty. Not in the monetary sense at least. This all evokes a certain sense of fear. And fear is something not to be messed with, for it could lead to shitty things. It makes one delusional. It makes one forget. It makes one blank.

And when one is blank, a whole load of crap happens. Picture this, someone doesnt get angry often. If he normally does, he gets over it very quickly. Apparently. Now when one is blank, all those years of cooped up nonsense takes over (of course, the actions of the subconcious mind of an immature person).

When that happens, everything SEEMS so clear, yet at the same time, you know its very hazy and all you see is what your mind wants you to see. That nothing is wrong. That everything is fine. One even loses control of one's voluntary actions, making them involuntary yet at the same time, you want it to happen. It's one of those things where you know you shouldnt do it, yet you find yourself involuntarily doing it because you seem to have lost control over your actions, and then yoe feel that you actually WANT to do it after all.

The head feels hot. You can actually feel your ears getting hot. Your mind is being bombarded with all that nonsense you'd rather do without, seeing as there is already alot on your plate. Yet everything seems fine, in a surreal way. The bombardment doesnt stop. In fact, it gets worse and yet you still feel fine. Apparently. More rubbish unloaded at you and suddenly you dont feel fine anymore. In fact, you dont feel at all. Its all just a blank. This is when the mind, the subcouncious, immature and irrational mind, takes over. You pick up something, and it feels lighter than you imagine. You know you want to feel it in your hands, yet you find yourself just swinging your arms downwards with such a force that even you are surprised by it. The thing breaks. That's it, you hope.

The relentless noise continues and with such ease and swift, yet another object is taken and thrown, much to your surprise. You still feel nothing. You decide to just walk away and hope nothing happens. You know those movies where the hero walks through a war area and bullets bounce of him? This felt just like that, only,its normal everyday things, like a pail filled with water and such. You even brush aside some people as if they werent there at all. Everything seems so light. So surreal. You just commited a fcking huge sin and you feel fine. Actually, you dont feel anything.

You sit quietly and suddenly it hits you. Your mind which was momentarily paralyzed snapped back to life, only to find a pile of shit to deal with. You get confused. You dont know what happened, yet, you actually do know what happened. You feel regretful so much so that you start to cry, yet you feel great for doing all that.

Imagine doing all that. Just imagine. Damn, i have anger management issues.

Husaini @ 2:16 AM

Sunday, January 3, 2010

HAHAHAHA woah im finally back. And now that im back, i dont think anyone would visit this blog anymore ,cos its been dead for a few months teehee xD

but its okay. someone will chance upon it someday when he/she/heshe is bored and then id have at least one visitor. anyway, for those who are reading this, noticed that the tagboard is EMPTY?

well thats because i lost the code for the old one so i conveniently made a new tagboard. nyeh nyeh nyeh.

so whats new with me? nothing much. you know, i just realised that i look almost the same i did, physically, as i did back in sec 3. almost. of course theres that extra layer of fat that came from Godknowswhere but the point is, WHERE DID THE 13 EXTRA KILOS COME FROM GAAAAHHH. i was 75kg in sec 3 and now im 88. dammit. dammitdammitdammit. and im not even old yet. wait till i reach 30. that kind of sucks yknow, not knowing where all the weight went. KHALIL IF YOU HAPPEN TO READ THIS SHATAP I KNOW YOU ARE DAMN THIN AND CANT GAIN WEIGHT.

hmm im bored. im supposed to be studying alot during the hols. well to be fair to myself (teehee sounds so BLEH) i did finish up on J1 chem. at least the promo topics. i finished half of math and dare not look at econs. physics is another story ill leave it for now.

p.s. for those who are as bored as i am, you should check out raywilliam johnson on youtube. that guy got a sick sense of humor (haha thanks for letting me on it bro).

thats all for now i think. till next time (hopefully before this skin expires like the last one did).

AHSFGAGBAEIGHAEUGFHAE.
ahhh felt good.

Husaini @ 9:14 PM

about

Ahmad Husaini
02/05/1992
Raffles Rugby 05-08, Pwnage09, 10S06F
I like sports, though nothing in particular

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