The Way

Friday, July 24, 2009

I never like the school at night, or when it gets dark. Theres nobody there. Nobody i can possibly meet, nobody to help me feel safe when im all alone. Ive been at school alot of times when its dark, and i must say i dont like it. There seems to be some sort of sense of foreboding about it. Of course, I would like to stay overnight illegally with my friends again, just once more, just for the thrill of it, but it isnt actually all that thrilling. When the night falls and everything gets quiet, the only thing between me and my friends is the sense that we are there for each other. Sure we will eventually get up and do stupid things, but when all is done and we are in the middle of the field lying down shirtless and gazing into the sky, it suddenly sucks.

Have you ever tried to gaze into the sky? when its dark, lie down in the middle of nowhere and jsut stare at the sky and let the thoughts which want to enter your mind just enter? If not, you should try it. You become all sober and quiet and you start reflecting on a lot of things. I really dont like that.

Back to the case with the deserted school. I guess in a way it reflects my own insecurity of not having anyone around me or anyone being there for me. I can rely on the usual friends to help me, but in the case im alone in school, they will not be there. They have no reason to be.

There. I took this pic back when we were rehearsing for drama (DRAMA FTW). It wasnt even dark yet and it was already scary. There is no sign of life anywhere in this picture. It sucks to be alone. To have nobody you can rely on. To have nobody to be there for you. To feel unwanted. It really sucks.

I have this fear of being alone. I like being alone at home for it opens up countless possibilities of what i can do. But then it all means nothing if i dont have anyone to share it with. It sucks to be alone. I surround myself with my best friends, talk to people i dont even meet often all in the hope that i dont end up alone. As an example, the past week, good ol' patch didnt come for most of the days. I wont exaggerate it, but it was awful. I always looked forward to bursting into the solat room and seeing him there or sth. Sorry gred or even shift, i am not discounting your presence. its just that i am very over dependant on some people. I chat on msn alot with other people, to find companionship, in a good way, cos i cant bear to be alone. i really hate weekends for then, id be alone. But in the end, it all doesnt matter.

Look at the sky people, for those who still bother coming here. Take a good long look and realise your fears. Cos i think i realised mine, and i would fight to not let it happen.

Sorry im just feeling so damn wooly right now.

Husaini @ 10:46 PM

about

Ahmad Husaini
02/05/1992
Raffles Rugby 05-08, Pwnage09, 10S06F
I like sports, though nothing in particular

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